In a shocking turn of events, a 32-year-old man from Njube, Ishmael Ndlovu, was sentenced to five months in prison for stealing condoms, cigarettes, and a loaf of bread. Because, you know, that’s exactly what you need to survive in prison – a good story to tell.

When asked why he stole, Ndlovu replied, “I just wanted to buy my kid some school shoes.” Because, clearly, condoms and cigarettes are essential items for purchasing school shoes. The courtroom gallery was left in stitches, wondering if the condoms were for the kid’s safety education or the dad’s, well, “safety.”

The magistrate, Mr. Ncube, showed mercy, suspending part of the sentence on condition of good behavior. Ndlovu will serve 105 hours of community service, which might just give him enough time to reflect on his life choices and maybe even learn a thing or two about budgeting for school shoes.

With the stolen items worth a whopping US$17, one can’t help but wonder if the punishment fits the crime. Perhaps Ndlovu will think twice before swiping condoms and cigarettes again, or maybe he’ll just become more creative in his thieving ways. end//..