In a chilly verdict, the High Court of Bulawayo has dismissed the appeal of Gary Bell, a 42-year-old socialite accused of dealing in illicit substances. Bell claimed he was framed by a rival, but the court found the evidence against him to be “solid as ice.”

The court heard that Bell was caught with a stash of “winter wonderland white” substance, later confirmed to be cocaine, and “ecstasy-flavored treats” with a street value of over $500. Bell’s lawyer argued that the charges were “a snowjob” and that the police had “melted” his client’s rights.

However, Justices Munamato Mutevedzi and Ngoni Nduna ruled that the magistrate’s decision was “spot on” and that Bell’s claims of being framed were flimsy . The judges added that the sentence was fair and not excessive.

Bell will now have to trade in his socialite status for a stint in prison, where he’ll have plenty of time to “cool off.” When asked for comment, a court official quipped, “Looks like Gary’s appeal melted away like a snowman in summer!”

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