In a bizarre incident, a Limpopo sangoma, known as Baba Lionbane, ended up as a lion’s snack after attempting a ritual poaching expedition in Kruger National Park. Armed with traditional muthi, a rusty panga, and a healthy dose of delusion, Baba Lionbane thought he’d harvest some lion body parts for spiritual purposes.

Baba Lionbane smeared himself with a concoction of baboon urine, mielie pap, and Imphepho, believing it would make him invisible to lions. Instead, it seemed to make him a tasty snack. The lions, confused by his chanting, initially paused before deciding to help themselves to his thigh.

One ranger, trying to stifle a laugh, recounted, “He walked up to the pride, started chanting, and the lions were like, ‘Oh, lunch!’ Guess the muthi didn’t work as advertised.”

From his hospital bed, Baba Lionbane blamed fake sangomas on TikTok for the failed ritual. “I was told chanting with raw garlic would make me lion-proof. Clearly, my ancestors weren’t on the same page as these TikTok gurus.”

The Limpopo Department of Traditional Affairs warned against mixing spiritual practices with wildlife poaching, emphasizing conservation efforts. A spokesperson quipped, “If your ancestors tell you to hug a lion, maybe get a second opinion… or an MRI.”

The sangoma-turned-entrepreneur is now selling motivational calendars titled “Follow Your Dreams, But Not Into Lion Territory” for R49.99. No thigh included. Maybe next edition?

The public is urged to respect protected areas and avoid engaging in reckless rituals involving wild animals. Because, you know, lions don’t care about your ancestral guidance.

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