In what can only be described as an ambitious gardening project gone wildly off-script, 61-year-old Lovemore Pangiso of Nkulumane 12 has been arrested for cultivating what authorities politely call “dagga” but neighbors might just call “that suspiciously green hobby.”

Detectives from the Criminal Investigations Department Drugs and Narcotics unit swooped in on 11 September 2025 after a well-meaning neighbor apparently got tired of smelling what they described as “an herbal spa gone rogue” next door. Upon raiding Pangiso’s residence, officers uncovered a stash that would make even the most laid-back gardener blush: 19 sachets of loose dagga cunningly tucked between his bed mattress and base , because who doesn’t store their garden harvest under the mattress, right?

But the real pièce de résistance was found in his yard: six “well-nurtured” dagga plants, each standing proud at about 20 centimeters tall. Assistant Inspector Thandekile Ndlovu commented, “They were growing so well, we half expected him to start selling tickets for a garden tour.”

Pangiso now faces charges under Section 156 of the Criminal Law(Codification and Reform) Act for unlawful cultivation, proving once and for all that not all gardeners are created equal.

The Zimbabwe Republic Police took this opportunity to remind the public: “If you’re thinking of starting your own ‘green project,’ maybe stick to tomatoes. Otherwise, expect the full wrath of the law  and possibly some very confused detectives.”

In the meantime, Pangiso’s family has been advised to keep an eye on their garden tools and consider investing in a more traditional hobby, like knitting or stamp collecting. After all, storing your harvest between your mattress and bed base might be a first, but it’s definitely not a good look.

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