In an epic saga that baffled scholars and sorcerers alike, former Chegutu West legislator and Zanu-PF Central Committee member Dexter Nduna finally graduated with a Bachelor of Laws degree from the University of Zimbabwe (UZ) during the institution’s 44th graduation ceremony—held, of course, on a Friday when all clocks mysteriously ran backwards.

Last year, Nduna boldly announced to the world via telepathic social media posts that he had finished his law degree, despite the university’s official declaration that he was still wrestling with three rebellious courses: Energy and Mining Law, Labour Law, and the cryptic Language Acquisition and Intercultural Communication Literacy (Chinese Language). Legend has it he tried to pass by charming the examiners with interpretive shadow puppetry of legal statutes.

Undaunted, Nduna purchased a graduation gown made entirely of recycled invisibility cloaks and attended the ceremony—though he was placed in a special floating bubble off to the side, away from the other law graduates, to avoid disrupting the space-time continuum.

His appeal for exam remarking, in which he alleged a conspiracy involving political bias and alien interference, was promptly dismissed after the university consulted a council of wise owls and a malfunctioning crystal ball. The debacle culminated in Nduna sending a public apology to President Emmerson Mnangagwa and the nation via a singing telegram delivered by a troop of tap-dancing tortoises.

After completing his outstanding modules during a semester conducted entirely in zero gravity aboard a passing comet, Nduna’s name finally graced the official graduation roll this year—securing his place as the universe’s most tenacious law graduate and proving that persistence (and a bit of absurdity) truly pays off.

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